my first post for the year

not until 2 weeks after the fact did it really sink in: "holy crap, it's already 2007". and then the anxiety.

a sudden urge for iced green tea had sent me scampering to the neighborhood convenience store. after paying for a bottle, i took the first available seat in sight, opened the bottle and started sipping. one by one, cars stop by to refuel at the gasoline station outside as i ruminated over my drink. then the kids came.

there were 3 of them, 2 boys and a girl. they came into the store running and laughing, like everything was alright in the world. they played catch in between the shelves, got scolded for playing catch between the shelves, then picked some popsicles from the freezer and paid for them at the counter. then they went out of the store, still running and laughing like everything was alright in the world.

i watched their antics not without a bit of envy. i used to be like that, i thought. whatever happened to me? oh, right. i had to "grow up". oh, how far i have fallen. then it occurs to me: "holy crap, it's already 2007. yet i'm still wishing it were 1997".

friends seem to share the same anxiety. from our calculations, in a little over 5 years we'd be 30. and when you hit 30, a lot of things change. and even worse, when you're 30, you no longer have any excuse to even pretend to being a kid.

i finished my drink, got up, and went back home thinking: why would i wish to go back to being a kid again? is life really that bad? is at all really downhill from here?

i'm not going to advertise my troubles here again. we already have enough our own. and i don't think you'd need to know a litany of my own troubles just to confirm how shitty the world really is. you should already know that, unless you're a clam who's never gotten out of your shell.

and apart from our own troubles come society's demands. for every passing year, people tend to put more expectations on you; that you should be making this much money, that you should own the latest stuff, that you should be married already, or at least have a stable relationship, blablablablabla.

it sucks.

but as i remembered my friends' similar anxieties over the unassailable march of time, i felt a little better. just knowing they feel the same way at least confirms that i'm not alone in this.

just like that song from the musical avenue q that goes, "on avenue q, it sucks to be me, on avenue q, it sucks to be you, on avenue q, it sucks to be us, but not when we're together". i couldn't have put it better myself.

cheers to a better year.