stuck

reading an issue of the national geographic last night made me realize that the world is such a huge and wonderful place and it just left me wondering. it left me wondering why five days of every week i have to force myself to wake up early in the morning, ride a jeepney filled with people i don't even know in the middle of rush hour traffic, and spend the rest of the day stuck in an office cubicle getting scolded by my boss and fearing the next mistake that i make could get me fired. it left me wondering why i have to slave away and waste what little time i have on this earth.

why shouldn't i simply resign from this job when i'm starting to despise it so much? why shouldn't i do the things that i've always dreamt of doing? like travelling around the country or even around the world, going to places that i've only read or heard about, meeting cultures that i've only seen on the glossy pages of magazines. or finally having enough time to read all my books and write stories that can make people move and wonder.

but then, reality rears its ugly head and gives me a nice kick in the butt. i certainly won't be getting anywhere without money, much more survive. and i won't have any money if i don't get a job. and getting a job means having to force myself to wake up early in the morning, ride a jeepney filled with people i don't even know in the middle of rush hour traffic, and spend the rest of the day stuck in an office cubicle. whoever said that life is beautiful just didn't know what he was talking about.

its all starting to seem so pointless. you work to live, but when you look at it, you're not really living at all. its like your just wasting your time, for in the end you're gonna die anyway, and what little you have worked for your entire life you won't be able to take with you. it just doesn't make sense to me.

and when you die, the world just goes on. and it goes on like you never really were, like you never really existed. you are simply a name carved on a tombstone. what you've achieved, how far you've gone, is nothing in death. nobody remembers. everybody forgets.

its starting to seem that life is simply a cruel joke. you are born, then you live a hard life doing pointless work in a cold world that just doesn't give a damn, then you die and you're buried in your grave and simply forgotten. and this evil cycle continues, it never ends.

i need vacation...