the lunch break monologues, or, musings on eating alone

11:55 am. i look at my pc's clock as the grumblings of my empty stomach signal that it is time for lunch. quietly, i rejoice. at last, some rest from the mind numbing torture of this earthly purgatory which i call my job. slowly, i get up and reach for my bag, and take out my packed lunch. i open it to see what's inside. ahh, fried fish and rice. very pinoy.

slowly, with my baon on one hand, i take my cup and my only spoon from my desk, and walk wearily to the pantry. all is quiet. no one is there. it seems like everybody's gone out for lunch, which means i have the pantry all to myself.

i put my baon on the table, then take my cup and spoon to the sink to wash. silently, i stare through the window and look down on the city as the midday sun pours its fiery rays upon the populace. the sun seems to be angriest just when everybody's off for a break. the irony doesn't escape me.

i take the scrubbing pad from the side of the sink, open the faucet, and wet the scrubing pad. applying a small amount of dishwashing detergent, i scrub the cup and the spoon religiously. i open the faucet again, and rinse. i rinse a second time to make sure no soap is left. then i get a weird urge to to rinse it again for a third time, just to be sure. don't be so stupid, i say to myself. could this be a sign of obsessive compulsive disorder? but that's a psychiatric disorder! no, you are not going mad, i assure myself.

i turn around to the water dispenser and fill my cup with cold water, then go back to the table. with my lunch waiting, i set the plastic box containing my food in front of me and open it. with my spoon and the finger of my left hand, i gingerly transfer the two little pieces of fried fish embedded in my rice to the cover of my little lunch box. i take my spoon, then... wait. i forgot to bring my fork again. oh well. so i start eating.

with my spoon holding the fish in place, i pinch out a little piece. then after spooning out some rice, i hungrily give myself a mouthful. i start chewing. and chewing. but something's wrong.

it doesn't taste right. it's so... bland. then i start grumbling. i should've brought some soy sauce with me. or maybe somebody else here has some soy sauce? so i search the pantry, i open the cupboards, i look in the fridge. but to no avail. i guess i'll have to content myself to eating a bland meal.

and then, eureka, an epiphany.

i suddenly get a sense that i'm somehow doing everything wrong. my fried fish tastes bland without any soy sauce. eating with a spoon feels weird without a fork. and here i am, sitting in the pantry table, eating lunch, all alone.

montaigne was right. i really shouldn't eat all by myself.

and i think i need to buy myself a new fork.