the fable of the lost shoe, revised version

after comments and suggestions from my workshop mates and from sir larry ypil, here is the revised form of my poem "the fable of the lost shoe", inspired by a shoe i found on the road on my way home. comments, suggestions, (constructive) criticisms highly appreciated :)

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the fable of the lost shoe

amidst the 9pm rush
of man and metal
a shoe
lays on the street
bathing in that sickly light of the night.
it must have fallen
from a passing car
or from someone's bag.
the shoe, forgotten
friendless

amidst the 9pm rush
of man and metal
a shoe
rests on the street,
and it dreams
that a foot still filled it with purpose
and another shoe just like it beside

amidst the 9pm rush
of man and metal
a shoe
stirs on the street
as a tramp with a sack on his back
comes to find the shoe
and says, 'finally!
a pair for my other shoe'
he takes it home
where it awakes
to find its dream
come true in ways
it did not even dream of

manghambog sa ko ha, pasensya na :)

my apologies for the shameless self-promotion :)