my personal air space was invaded last saturday. you know, that implicitly declared perimeter surrounding our persons, which, when crossed by other parties, causes alarm bells to sound in our heads. THAT space. i was having my coffee in my favorite spot at bo's coffee club sm branch, committing my thoughts to paper, when this lady and her kid comes up to me, violates my borders, and disturbs my peace.
but before i continue, let me explain why that spot is my favorite piece of prime real estate at bo's coffee club sm branch. the spot isn't your usual cafe setup of 2 or 3 hard wood chairs surrounding a small coffee table. it's actually a complete sala set, with the table, a sofa, and 2 chairs, the sofa and the 2 chairs thick with foam and covered in leather. but what makes it really valuable is what makes prime real estate really valuable: location, location, location. it's situated near the entrance, with a cinematic view of the flow of humanity just strolling by the mall, making it an ideal spot for contemplation, and for spotting chicks. can you imagine it now? ok... let's continue...
so there i was having my coffee in my favorite spot, committing my thoughts to paper, when this lady and her kid comes up to me, violates my borders, and disturbs my peace. she looks at me, sees that i'm alone, then promptly plants her butt on the empty chair across me. THEN she asks me if i had companions. i say no. i ask her if she had other companions. she says she's just waiting for something. wrong answer. i look around and see at least 7 other vacant tables visible from my spot, with probably more at the back. but what really got my goat was that she never asked me if it was ok or not, to take that seat across me.
but she seemed like a nice enough lady, so i tried to be cool with it. i breathed in, put my pencil down, and stared at the people walking outside, hoping it would be quick. then her coffee arrives. wonderful.
apparently, she had some business with the coffee shop people, something about a broken fridge. one by one, the coffee shop people come and talk with her. i try glancing at the lady every now and then with a sad (not angry, not annoyed, not VERY sad, just a bit so) look on my face to try and communicate my discomfort as gently as possible. unfortunately, but with an uneasy look on her face, she tries to ignore me. she just sits there and crosses her arms over her chest in between sips of coffee and talks with the coffee shop people, while her little boy sits beside her playing with packets of sugar and creamer.
at last, the 'something' she was waiting for (another one of the coffee shop people) arrives. they talk for about 10 minutes, then they leave. but before doing so, she faces me and says 'thank you'. i nod. ahh finally... peace...
is it so much to ask to be left alone? ok, i admit, i am not a very friendly person. i do try NOT to be an asshole, i'm just NOT FRIENDLY. plus, i don't feel very comfortable around strangers. and i usually prefer to be alone.
and it IS perfectly within my right to demand to be left alone in my spot. i think i bought that right together with my coffee. true, i don't own a title over the place, but i do 'own' it, at least for the duration it takes me to finish my coffee.
on second thought, maybe i AM being an asshole. the lady wasn't really THAT rude. and she DID thank me for sharing my spot with her. some people may find my annoyance funny. you may actually be laughing at me right now. some people may not even find it an issue to share that empty seat in front of them. i am certainly NOT one of them though. maybe i'm just being too selfish, no?
is it really that big a sacrifice to share the untaken seat in front of me? it's not like i'm gloria arroyo allowing china and vietnam to explore philippine territory for oil. dude, for crying out loud, that chair is NOT the spratlys.
is it really possible to preserve one's solitude without becoming a complete asshole? hmmm... i guess it IS possible. but only if i climb on top of some mountain to eschew any human contact, and stay there for the rest of my life.
as i write my thoughts on paper, fate suddenly decides to test the resolve of my new found 'epiphany'. about 30 minutes after the lady with the kid left, 3 oriental looking people approach me, a man, a woman, and a teenage girl, probably father, mother, and daughter. i see that the cafe is almost full. the girl, in halting and thickly accented english (which is not to say it's 'bad' english, she was perfectly understandable), asks me if i had any 'friends'.
i almost burst out laughing. she probably meant 'companions', but it's a good question nonetheless. just when i admit on paper that i am not a friendly person, here goes someone asking me if i had 'friends'. how appropriate.
while assuming that she DID mean to say 'companions', i say no. she asks if it's ok that they take their seats there with me. i say yes. they take their seats. at least, this time, they asked.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
five degrees of separation
three thugs on a motorcycle. a girl with a cellphone. a gunshot. a headline.
anyone who'd been following the local cebuano news the first week of march has probably heard of that tragic story, the robbery and murder of ruby jade ruba, a 20 year old nursing student, just 3 weeks shy of her graduation. all for a cellphone.
it was late wednesday afternoon i heard. i was chatting up my friends on the internet when my friend chick broke the news. he said that a batchmate of his brother's girlfriend had just been shot the other night, around capitol site. then came the rest of the story, how the victim was weeks away from graduating, that she was working on her term paper late that evening, that she was returning to her apartment with another friend when the robbers found her, that the robbers grabbed her cellphone, shot her, and then fled on a motorcycle. 'is she alive?', we asked. 'no, she died', he said.
emoticons showing a virtual shaking of our heads filled our chat window one by one. chatmate ryan expressed concern for his own girlfriend, who usually got off from work late in the evening, and whose office was near the scene of the crime.
i was pretty alarmed, too. the place was a quick walk away from my office, and much quicker of you were riding a motorcycle. and i also happen to go home late in the evening. i never knew the victim, but the fact that we were separated by a mere four degrees (she being the batchmate of the girlfriend of the brother of my friend) made it all seem so much closer to home. if it could happen to her, i see no reason why it could not happen to me also.
public shock and outrage followed when the news spread. mayor tomas osmeña announced a P30,000 reward to anyone who could help in solving the crime. several suspects were arrested, one of them claiming that he killed the victim so he could extort P50,000 from a truck driver.
then came the headlines morning of the following monday. police have caught 3 suspects who they could confidently say were involved in the crime, aivan barabat, mark anthony gabriel and karl marx carticiano, the first 2 having confessed to doing it. those 2 were also said to be members of the local chapter of the crips gang. the 3rd, who the first 2 suspects say was the driver of their getaway motorcycle, was arrested when he voluntarily came to the police station to deny any involvement. a 4th person was arrested, to whom the first 2 suspects say they sold the cellphone for P3,000. in a congratulatory pat on their collective backs for the quick resolution, police declared the case closed.
makes it all seem like P3,000 is worth nothing. makes it all seem like a life is worth nothing.
"Trip ra to. Gikan mi nag-inom. (It was just our trip after drinking)," the papers quoted them as saying.
from hongkong, my ofw friend tope had also been following the news that morning. after reading of that story, he told us over the same chat window of his shock over the discovery that he knew one of the accused, aivan barabat. he used to work as the 'boy' or 'alalay' in his old office.
that announcement finally drew the connection from victim to suspect, making the crime all the more tragic. victim - girlfriend of chick's bro - chick's bro - chick - tope - suspect. as far as we know, just five degrees separating them, five measly degrees, before the crime was committed. it may even have been smaller. and in a grim irony, the crime shrunk that separation from five degrees to just one: victim - suspect.
had that suspect known, would he have done it? had that suspect known, would it have mattered to him? had it occured to him that their prospective victim may be their friend's girlfriend or sister or mother or cousin, would he have done it?
makes you think, no? maybe that person sitting across you on the jeepney is a friend of a friend. or maybe the person asking you for directions could be your classmate's cousin. who knows, that person who you just saw drop his wallet is your neighbor's bestfriend. or the old jeepney driver who gave you five pesos more than the change you expected is your officemate's grandfather.
in his 'small world experiments', stanley milgram theorized that everyone in the world is connected to everyone else by an average of 6 degrees. and to think, that was in 1967. technology today has probably shrunk our world even smaller than it was in 1967.
i am sensing that, at least here in cebu, it's much, much smaller than six degrees. the least we can all do is play a bit more nicely with each other.
########################
published in the philippine daily inquirer 4/12/2008
http://opinion.inquirer.net/inquireropinion/columns/view/20080412-129894/Five-degrees-of-separation
anyone who'd been following the local cebuano news the first week of march has probably heard of that tragic story, the robbery and murder of ruby jade ruba, a 20 year old nursing student, just 3 weeks shy of her graduation. all for a cellphone.
it was late wednesday afternoon i heard. i was chatting up my friends on the internet when my friend chick broke the news. he said that a batchmate of his brother's girlfriend had just been shot the other night, around capitol site. then came the rest of the story, how the victim was weeks away from graduating, that she was working on her term paper late that evening, that she was returning to her apartment with another friend when the robbers found her, that the robbers grabbed her cellphone, shot her, and then fled on a motorcycle. 'is she alive?', we asked. 'no, she died', he said.
emoticons showing a virtual shaking of our heads filled our chat window one by one. chatmate ryan expressed concern for his own girlfriend, who usually got off from work late in the evening, and whose office was near the scene of the crime.
i was pretty alarmed, too. the place was a quick walk away from my office, and much quicker of you were riding a motorcycle. and i also happen to go home late in the evening. i never knew the victim, but the fact that we were separated by a mere four degrees (she being the batchmate of the girlfriend of the brother of my friend) made it all seem so much closer to home. if it could happen to her, i see no reason why it could not happen to me also.
public shock and outrage followed when the news spread. mayor tomas osmeña announced a P30,000 reward to anyone who could help in solving the crime. several suspects were arrested, one of them claiming that he killed the victim so he could extort P50,000 from a truck driver.
then came the headlines morning of the following monday. police have caught 3 suspects who they could confidently say were involved in the crime, aivan barabat, mark anthony gabriel and karl marx carticiano, the first 2 having confessed to doing it. those 2 were also said to be members of the local chapter of the crips gang. the 3rd, who the first 2 suspects say was the driver of their getaway motorcycle, was arrested when he voluntarily came to the police station to deny any involvement. a 4th person was arrested, to whom the first 2 suspects say they sold the cellphone for P3,000. in a congratulatory pat on their collective backs for the quick resolution, police declared the case closed.
makes it all seem like P3,000 is worth nothing. makes it all seem like a life is worth nothing.
"Trip ra to. Gikan mi nag-inom. (It was just our trip after drinking)," the papers quoted them as saying.
from hongkong, my ofw friend tope had also been following the news that morning. after reading of that story, he told us over the same chat window of his shock over the discovery that he knew one of the accused, aivan barabat. he used to work as the 'boy' or 'alalay' in his old office.
that announcement finally drew the connection from victim to suspect, making the crime all the more tragic. victim - girlfriend of chick's bro - chick's bro - chick - tope - suspect. as far as we know, just five degrees separating them, five measly degrees, before the crime was committed. it may even have been smaller. and in a grim irony, the crime shrunk that separation from five degrees to just one: victim - suspect.
had that suspect known, would he have done it? had that suspect known, would it have mattered to him? had it occured to him that their prospective victim may be their friend's girlfriend or sister or mother or cousin, would he have done it?
makes you think, no? maybe that person sitting across you on the jeepney is a friend of a friend. or maybe the person asking you for directions could be your classmate's cousin. who knows, that person who you just saw drop his wallet is your neighbor's bestfriend. or the old jeepney driver who gave you five pesos more than the change you expected is your officemate's grandfather.
in his 'small world experiments', stanley milgram theorized that everyone in the world is connected to everyone else by an average of 6 degrees. and to think, that was in 1967. technology today has probably shrunk our world even smaller than it was in 1967.
i am sensing that, at least here in cebu, it's much, much smaller than six degrees. the least we can all do is play a bit more nicely with each other.
########################
published in the philippine daily inquirer 4/12/2008
http://opinion.inquirer.net/inquireropinion/columns/view/20080412-129894/Five-degrees-of-separation
Monday, March 03, 2008
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